Andrew  10 months – Now Andrew at 3 1/2.

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People say, hold on to every moment, because they grow up so fast.  I never understood that.  I wanted to, but while I was potty training the little one who got away from me, smearing poop on the walls, or when the 6 month old clinged to me for dear life and wouldn’t let anyone else hold him for months, it’s hard to remember this lesson.

Then one morning I woke up and amongst all the chaos of daily activity, my 6 month old baby was in 2nd grade and politely asked me not to kiss him at the bus stop anymore.  What?? My 5 year always ran into the bedroom 1st thing every morning to get a bear hug.  Now that he’s 6, he’s too old for this.  It breaks my heart.

I jokingly tell them “You better stop growing up on Me!”  And they jump and giggle, telling me that I’m funny.  And then ask me to measure them, trying to convince me that they grew last night.

We often focus on the task at hand, and don’t realize that they are growing up.  One minute they just want to cuddle and hug you (of course while you’re in the kitchen trying to make dinner) but don’t be too quick to shew them away – they won’t always fight for a hug or give you a million kisses or tell you “You’re a beautiful princess, mom.”

Soak up all the moments, good or bad, whether singing in the car or crying  in the floor, they’re your moments. You’ll look back and wish you had those times again.

Funny thing is, just like labor pains, you’ll forget the bad stuff and remember only the good.  So bend down, give them a hug, squeeze that soft little leg on your baby, high five your little man and walk with your head held high.  Like my 5 year old says:  Mom, you’re the best mom I’ve ever had.  That’s true, I’m the best and only.  You’re the only one who has the God given privilege to do this job, so make it count.

There are days you want it to zoom by, but I’ve heard each level has it’s own problems.  The grass is not always greener.  Record their little voice, they won’t always sound like this.  Seize the moment. . . For this too shall pass.

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I love to read self help books, especially those that will give me great ideas for real-life parenting:  ideas for stubborn behavior, positive reinforcement, how to guide their little hearts to make good decisions when you’re not around – and establishing healthy boundaries.

The following books are true life changers.  I hope they enhance your life as much as they did mine.  Please send your comments or ideas on the books YOU’VE read and how they helped you.

Read and Live Well!

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Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp

The New Strong Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson

The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman

Boundaries with Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

Baby Wise Series for Instants to Pre-school by Gary Ezzo

Training kids is not an easy task and definitely not for the faint of heart; especially when you’re in a hurry and think “This 2 minute clean up session is taking 10 minutes.”  You can feel that gray hair coming in faster than little Junior can get his toys in the bucket or little Mary can get her dinner plate to the sink.

I’ve trained my kids to understand the Team rules.  And I also color my hair. lol Here’s the drill:  If you drop something, pick it up.  If you want to take it, you have to carry it.  If you make a mess, you clean it up.  It’s ALL for One and One for ALL!

Those lessons weren’t easily learned. They were earned with blood, sweat and real tears. It took twice the effort to teach them to do it own their own, but well worth the investment.

As the family grows, so do the responsibilities.  The kids help each other with homework, the older one reads to the younger one and the 5 year old makes a “mean” PB&J for school lunches (it’s nothing to look at, but tastes great)!  We all have to help.  We’re in this together.

Otherwise, mom is the one doing everything and mom’s job is to lead, guide, teach and protect, not to be their slave, chauffer and short order cook.  It’s important that they respect your role, your authority and appreciate all the things you do for them.  Train them to say thank you.  I rarely have to remind them to do this..  It becomes second nature.  Believe me, It wasn’t always like this.

Cultivate a sense of TEAM Ship.  This will take the focus off of themselves, creating productive little citizens with an appreciation for You and their Community.

Each Member of the Family is part of a team.  When the kids are little, you find yourself doing everything around the house, but as they grow and become a little more independent, it’s important to instill a sense of team work and community.  Making a responsibility chart has changed our lives.  Here’s how it works:

Each child receives a chart with responsibilities given according to age and maturity level.  The older they are, the more responsibilities, which means, the more stars they need to earn a prize, whether it be stars or money or something from a treasure box.

Example: 8 year old Responsibilities:

Homework

15 minutes of Reading

Unload the Dishwasher

Put away Folded Clothes

Help Make Next Day Lunches

Laundry (separate towels from clothes)

Hug Mom

Example:  6 Year old Responsibilities

Set the Table

Brush Teeth

Make Bed

Unload the Dishwasher

Homework (Write Spelling Words)

Hug Mom

3 Year Old Responsibilities:

Feed the Dog

Make Bed (as best they can)

Pick up All toys in backyard

Brush Teeth

Color

Putting away folded socks/underwear

Hug Mom

2 Year Old Responsibilities

Clean Up Clean Up Every Body Clean Up

(put your toys in the toy box)

As they begin to do these responsibilities on their own, I take it off the list and put something older / more mature for them to do.

If there’s 5 items and 5 days in the week, that’s 25 stars.  I make the 8 year old earn 20 stars to get a prize or money, whereas, the smaller ones need around 17, anything less than that, they’re slacking on their responsibilities.  That means they’re only doing each item 3 days out of 5 days a week.

At the end of the week, whoever has the total number of stars needed, will be given $3 to go to the dollar tree and spend it anyway they like.  It’s cute to see them walk in there with their money.  They’ll pick up an item, think about it, put it back and pick up something else.  They pay for it themselves.  It gives them an idea of how much something costs and how hard they had to work for it.

Sometimes I will notice that one or two of the kids aren’t cleaning their room, so I’ll give the one cleaning his room a bonus star, which gets them an extra 30 minutes of “stay up time” while the other kids go to bed early or something special they like.  For my 6 year old, it’s gum. For my 8 year old, it’s playing his video game an extra 15 minutes without the kids in the media room harassing him.  : )  This makes the other kids more alert to the fact that a bonus could be given at anytime, so they better do all the responsibilities.

How to Construct the Responsibility Chart:

I take a bright yellow piece of felt, from Michael’s or other craft store – it looks like a place mat, (cost $1) Map out their responsibilities and place it on the front of the fridge.  I bought stars (from Michaels / Hobby Lobby) that you peel off the back, so it’s sticky.  All their stars start out on the right hand side of the chart.

When they do a chore, they move the star to the box.  During the week, we access how well they are doing.  They often times have to be reminded to do certain things like READ.  But as time goes on, they just get in the routine and it becomes 2nd nature.

I noticed that when I took down the chart, they quit doing everything. They need it as a guide for the day.

If one kid does the chart and another doesn’t, then they have to go to the Dollar Tree and watch the other kids buy something.  It’s a tough lesson, but one not repeated.  There will be cries and tantrums, but they know you mean business.  If on Friday evening they are lacking 1 or 2 stars, I’ll give them a chance to make it up before we go to the store, by having to do extra work that they wouldn’t normally do, sort of like giving them Grace.  And then off we go.  We make a big deal out of it, as if we were buying a new car.  I tell them how proud I am and their grinning from ear to ear.

So, now you have it.  There are always adjustments.  The Dollar Tree may not work for you.  You’ll figure out what works for you and your family and before you know it, you won’t be doing ALL the work.  The trick is figuring how to make them more independent!  It’s a Team Effort.

If I saw something crazy or outlandish, I had this bad habit of saying:  OMG and my 5 year old says:  Mom, it’s oh my goodness!  not oh my God.  He’s right.  They will hold you accountable.

Have you ever caught yourself hiding to eat a cookie.  Once you have kids, it’s like you can’t eat anything and have it to yourself.  “What are you eating, mom?”  Do I smell Chocolate?  What’s in your hand?  Can I have that?  I just want to eat a cookie PEOPLE, without sharing, but the kids remind me:  you make us share.  aaaaaahhhhhh!

You teach them and then they teach you.  They hold you accountable  by holding a mirror to your face and showing you all the things you need to work on, because good or bad, they are little reflections of you.  You didn’t know you gave birth to a mirror.