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You Can Swing Over the Water Son, Just Don’t Get Wet!

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Do you ever walk into a room and your husband has one of the kids by their feet, swinging them across the living room as they scream in sheer terror and excitement, while you envision pictures of stitches in the ER?  It’s something I can’t watch.

I heard a statistic once that said:  When a child sees their father, their heart rate excelerates.  When they see mom, their heart rates decreases.  Interesting.

The other day my husband knew that I needed a break, so I took off, ran a few errands, did a little shopping and had an enjoyable few hours to myself.  Upon my return, I walked in the front door and noticed the kids were playing in the ATTIC!  An unfinished attic with partial boarding on the floor and Hubby was no where to be found.

Hmmm.    My husband said:  ’It was raining and they needed to explore.”  Well, that certainly makes since.  Why didn’t I think of that.  NOT!  Funny thing is, they rarely get hurt on his watch. It’s Amazing.

I came in one day, and on “Dad’s Watch”, found the baby asleep in the high chair in front of the TV watching VH1.  J-O-H-N!!!!!  His excuse, ” I was reading the boys a book and the baby was tired and hungry and VH1 seemed to do the trick.”  Well alrighty then.

Now I see why their heart rates go up.  It’s part fear and excitement of the unknown, of living on the edge.  They don’t know what’s in store for them, but whatever it is, with dad it is going to be exhilarating.

But when they see mom, their heart rate goes down.  Well, of course.  They get to live another day.  It’s because they know mom will give them food and a hug, not a roller coaster death drop.  They associate mom with safety and nurture.  We give them a sense of calm, keep them focused and on task.

Dad lets them fly down the stairwell on a mattress or in a box.  Often times, I want to roll them in bubble wrap before heading off to the park, where I know they’ll try something crazy and get hurt.  But then I have to remember,  kids need to explore, take risks, learn and try new things.

Opposites attract.  God knew this would be a perfect fit for our kids, to give them a sense of caution and adventure.  So, hold your breath mom, say a few prayers and break out the bubble wrap, because dad will be home soon.    Here’s to creative parenting.

Have you ever walked into a coffee shop and thought “oh, this is the best coffee ever? I bet you didn’t walk in and expect a fantastic massage or the barista to give you advice on car insurance.

It’s the same with moms, we may be good at tons of things:  homeschooling to preschooling to teaching them character and confidence, or how to kick a mean soccer ball, but we aren’t experts in everything.  It Takes a Village to pull it off.

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When you watch a movie, check out the credits.  You’ve got the director, producer, editor, sound guy, technician and “Dancing man with funny looking teeth” as the crew listed to make the film a success.  One person can’t do everything.  It took a village.

Let grandpa teach them History or take them on a bug hunt, perhaps tell stories about when he was a kid; have grandma give them a baking class, let your sister take them to the park or break out the science kit.

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My parents use to send me to my grandparent’s 100 acre farm for a week at a time.  We knew everything there was to bailing hay, milking the cows, shelling peas, hoe-ing a garden and what month is the best time to plant tomatoes.  Living down there was definitely an experience.  They say, the one thing that grandparents can give, over everyone else, is TIME.

We need others to help fill in the blanks.  We can’t be their entire world “forever.”  As much as we try, it’s important for us as moms and for the kids – to spread their wings, become a little more independent and well rounded.

After all, our goal is to teach them how to fly.  It’s hard to think about, letting go of the reins and putting them in someone else’s hands. When they are asleep at night, they’re growing.  When they learn something new, they’re growing.  It’s just something that can’t be stopped.  We want them to hurry and crawl, hurry and walk, are they meeting their goals . . are they on target for their age group?

Keep them as close to you, for as long as you can, but don’t smother them.  As you give them freedom and guidance, they’ll stay close, because you’ve given them the independence, the strong foundation they need to be a complete person.  They trust you and respect you.

And as you teach them to fly, it may look as though they have left the nest or got a little rebellious streak, but like a great coffee shop, they’ll be landing at the drive thru to pick up that One great product you’ve always provided, and that is the support, encouragement and love you’ve always offered and they will always need.  It Takes a Village, Girls . . . and an occasional cup of coffee.    Here’s to great families!!!

Would YOU want YOU to be YOUR mom? Simple isn’t it?  Just think about how you handle situations.  Are you easily angered, always in a hurry; do little things escalate to major things? Get on their level, eye to eye, knee to knee and imagine what it must be like, whether little kids or teenagers.

Do the attitudes, ideas and environment you provide, exude respect, trust and peace in your home or anxiety, perfectionism and unpredictability.

I know that if my husband goes out of town and I have all 4 kids all week, from sunrise to sunset, my patience can wain, quickly.  I’m barking orders like a well trained drill sergeant, go here, get those teeth brushed, hurry up, let’s go.

When my 3 year old went to bed at night, I noticed he was sleeping on the floor.  I would tell him to get in the bed.  He would wait till I left and get back on the floor.  At first, it made me mad.  How could he get a good night’s sleep on the floor?  How comfortable could this be?  My back would be stiff for days.  Besides, he had a nice bed we bought him and he needed to sleep in it.

Then I sat down and had a nice conversation with him and realized, in his own way, he thought sleeping on the floor was like camping, it was an adventure.  Now that I realize what he was doing, I let him drag his big comforter and pillow to the floor and let him “go camping.” .  I sure didn’t want to stand in the way of any adventures he may have.

So when you’re on your last leg and can’t take it anymore, perhaps you should take a break.  This isn’t unusual.  It’s good for everyone to get a break.  No need to be a martyr.  Do you take time to smell the roses, look for bugs and laugh with your kids about funny jokes they TRY to make?  Lay on the floor and giggle, go push them on the swing or take time to play dodge ball.

Imagine looking up at you. How do you want this to play out?  The house doesn’t always have to be clean.  The laundry doesn’t have to be put away Right Now.  If Petee left his shoes outside, we’ll get them later.  Perhaps tonight is a “take out” night.

Go to the park, have a picnic on the blanket one evening and forget about the laundry for awhile?  Do you take time for yourself by designating a “Girls Night Out” or take a night a week to play tennis with your husband.  Everyone needs a break to re-access, rejuvenate and refresh your mind, body and spirit.  It makes for better parenting and happier families.

How do you handle these type of situations?

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My 7 year old was listing all the friends he had.  He was telling me about the kid in his class from Vietnam, or about Freddie who went to London with his parents and the list went on.

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When he left, my 3 year old asked:  Mom, do I have fwends?  I said yes and listed the names of little kids in our neighborhood.  He said:  ”Oh good!”  He trusted that I knew he was ok.  It was so sweet how he looked to me to determine if he was valued, loved and established.  Of course he was.  It’s funny to hear the ideas, concerns and perspectives little children have.

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It’s our job to remove those little insecurities and reinforce a sense of belonging and being apart of Community.

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What is your son or daughter concerned about?  Talk about it on a one on one, fun bike ride or walk in the park.  Keep Communication flowing and frequent.  With chaos in the day, opportunities do not always present themselves.  You have to invest the time and when you do, those concerns will rise to the top and can be easily dealt with.

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Concerns don’t always come in the form of a “knock on your door.” Set the stage for good communication.  It might be a warm cookie and a hug when they come home from school, stacking legos on the floor or just a quiet walk down the street.  Some kids wear their heart on their sleeve and can open up in 2 seconds to discuss a concern or problem; others are like slow cookers.  If you spend enough time and build their trust, they’ll mention their concerns around bedtime in the quiet of the evening.

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Each child is different.  Keep your eyes and ears open.  The world is full of people ready to tear down your child’s self esteem.   School, “so called friends” and the world in general, can be a harsh place at times.  Building self esteem is not an overnight fix, it’s a journey.

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I tell my kids: “You’re my blessing or You make my heart feel good” and now they tell me I make their heart feel good.  They need to know that mom, dad, and siblings have their back.  It’s All for One and One for All!

Tell us how you handle building self esteem.  We’d love to hear your story.

When I was a kid, no matter how many fun things we got to do, it was never enough.  The moment it was over, I was thinking, “What’s next?”  Typical, right?

My dad was a Marine and Community Boy Scout leader.  If you weren’t up by 7am, the day was wasted.  The one phrase you NEVER said around him was “I’M BORED.”

If you didn’t grab OPPORTUNITY by the HORNS and find something to do, once that complaint was made, he was gonna Plan your day for you.

We lived on the lake. Our day consisted of a few daily chores, lots of swimming, trampoline jumping and biking to our heart’s content.  One time, my sister and I could not stop fighting and complaining.  There was nothing to do.  We were hollering “She’s looking at me!” Stop repeating everything I say!” and the list went on.  After hearing the squabbles for about 5 minutes, my dad came up with a plan.

Next thing I know, he had made provisions for aTRUCK LOAD OF BRICKS to be dropped along the side of the house.  I mean, a TRUCK Load.  We were looking out the window like . . . What’s that for?  It was a special delivery, just for us. . . Our job was to Move all the bricks from one side of the house to the other!!  And when we were done . . . (like Forrest Gump said) . . . we had to move ‘em BACK!  I tell ya, if that won’t fix a squabble and bordem, I don’t know what will.

I learned TEAM BUILDING that day.  I also learned Never to say:  I”M BORED.  It made quiet the impression on me.  To this day, I cannot utter the words:  I AM BORED.  I use to think how terrible it was that my dad would do something like this, until I had kids of my own.

And now, on days when I hear my kids pitching a fit in the back yard, fighting over a rock, because they can’t get along or there’s nothing to do in the backyard full of every toy, playground equipment and tire swing known to mankind, I think about calling Home Depot and having a truck load of bricks delivered.  : )

Send me your ideas as to how you or your parents have handled Team Building Skills and Squashing the Squabbles!